Pink Polka Dots

I was reading the March 2010 issue of Scale Military Modeller International today and came across a remark so annoying I'm strongly tempted to stop buying the magazine entirely. Actually, the issue has a number of problems, which I may or may not expand upon later, but for now, I'm simply going to talk about Gary Hatcher's review of the Swash Designs photoetched set for some 1/35th scale motorcycles. The set isn't cheap - about $21 according to the review - but here's what Gary has to say about it:

The choice is yours - but if you want to settle for less than the best then maybe you might like to paint the thing with pink polka dots as well.

What the hell is this? All of a sudden if we don't buy every possible detail set for a model we aren't serious and we're infantile losers who daub pink polka dots on our armor models? Oh calm down, you say, Gary was just joking. Was he? I think any regular reader of his "Panzerschreck" column would have grounds to argue otherwise. This is the sort of anal bullshit that puts me off most model contests too, by the way - I simply don't accept the notion that I'm a loser because I don't buy detail sets.

Tell you what, Gary - you build your models the way you like, and I'll build mine the way I like, and I'll thank you to keep your holier-than-thou remarks to yourself. What really torques me about it is that in an indirect way I'm actually paying you to insult me. Well, I can fix that readily enough.

I'm also strongly tempted to stop buying Scale Aviation Modeller International because of a comment I read in Volume 16 Issue 2, to wit:

We do not issue bad reviews, and we shy away from negative comment. If a product has issues so great that we cannot justify published a review we prefer to contact the manufacturer and explain why we cannot cover their product.

Meantime, while these guys are busy protecting the reputations and egos of the manufacturers, the modelers (the people who pay the goddamned bills) are buying a crappy product even though SAMI knew it was a crappy product. Doesn't that make SAMI complicit in a cover-up? What's the point of pretending to review anything if you as a matter of editorial policy refuse to make negative comments? Why not just change your name to Scale Aviation Manufacturer International, since it is clearly the manufacturers you are pandering to, not the buying public who keep all of you in jobs in the first place? I rarely make buying decisions on the basis of what SAMI (or any other magazine) thinks of a given kit - I'm much more likely to buy on the basis of subject. But if someone knows that a kit has some serious problem with engineering or accuracy, I think I'd be interested in knowing that. I'll probably still buy the kit anyway - I paint pink polka dots on my models, after all - but I'd still be interested.

There's apparently no pleasing me, infantile loser that I am. I'd list some of the other things in the latest issue of SMMI that really cheese me (I mean really cheese me) but it occurs to me that I'm almost out of pink paint and I have to run to the hobby shop before it closes.

Ontological Crisis

I see Academy is releasing a 1/35th M50 Ontos, which excites me in my dry, sterile way.

The Ontos is an odd six-gunned tank destroyer, one of those US Marine attempts to achieve maximum anti-tank firepower with minimum weight - when all your armor has to come ashore in landing craft or sling-loaded under helicopters, weight is not an irrelevant issue. The Ontos looks like it's a jumped-up pedal-powered tractor, like the driver's knees can be seen furiously pumping up and down as it trundles along. But don't laugh too hard; its armament of six 106mm recoilless rifles is not to be sneezed at, at least for the first six shots. (I find it curious, though, that my memory indicates that the Marines also operated hand-me-down US Army M103 heavy tanks, which combined maximum firepower and maximum weight, kind of the antithesis of the whole Ontos mindset. A 120mm gun and two loaders? Oh my.)

I recall building an Ontos in my younger years. I suspect it was a Renwal or Adams kit, a contemporary of that magnificent 280mm Atomic Cannon. Also a contemporary of the T92 light tank kit - remember those? I remember them as being fabulously detailed and lifelike, but they were probably crude and toy-like by today's standards. Still, where are you going to find an Atomic Cannon or a T92 or - until now - an Ontos?

I happen to like Academy's armor kits. Academy's kits in general, actually. There's no particular price break on an Academy tank kit. They aren't quite as expensive as later Tamiya stuff, which I find quite pricey, but they aren't exactly cheap either. But they aren't as ridiculously over-engineered as Dragon, DML and Trumpeter kits. I suspect that the Ontos will turn out to be a nice kit indeed. Now I just need to keep an eye out for the old Revell M56 Scorpion. Does anyone make an LTVP-5, now that I'm thinking about early-Vietnam-era US Marine Corps armor?

That Explains That

Yeah, but where's Waldo?

A view of my workbench, taken just yesterday. The dinosaur, Star Wars models (note the tiny snowspeeders on the orange things that will become their bases eventually - Gatorade caps, by the way - and the AT-AT) and the stagecoach are fairly old projects that just generally clutter up my workbench without ever being finished. (To paraphrase a magnificent line from the novel The Coffee Trader by David Liss, "they are the hard turd in the ass of my forward progress".)

Also perhaps worth mentioning is the PM Models Su-15TM Flagon on top of the stagecoach. Not a great model, not up to your Hasegawa or later Revell-Germany standards, but where else are you going to find an Su-15, and for that low a price?

But what I really wanted to show off was the sudden profusion of small-scale tank transporters. It's like a regular cancer. One minute I had no tank transporters, and all of a sudden, I've got four. They aren't clearly visible in the photograph, but they are, from front to back, an Airfix 1/76th Scammel, an Academy 1/72nd "Dragon Wagon", a Revell-Germany 1/76th M19, and a Revell-Germany Faun Elefant (with its proposed load, a Revell-Germany Leopard 2A5, in place). The Dragon Wagon and the Elefant are very nice kits, by the way, as is the Leopard 2A5, but pay attention to the instructions - the kit includes the turret and track shields suitable for both a 2A4 and a 2A5, and they aren't impossible to confuse. Ask me how I know. That's what I get for watching The Mummy while building it, I guess.

So whatever else I was working on, like the Skybow WC63, got pushed back by this sudden eruption of tank transporters. And I'm not even done; I have to build loads for three of them, probably an A34 Comet for the Scammel, an M4A3(76)W for the Dragon Wagon, and probably an M7 Priest for the M19. And the thought of hand-painting that NATO three-color scheme on the Elefant and the Leopard 2A5? Brrr. It scares me. Three-color schemes on small-scale armor aren't exactly my cup of tea, but at least the green color was easy.

Revell-Germany Katyusha

I've been working on Revell-Germany's 1/35th scale Katyusha multiple rocket launcher lately, gluing it together while watching the Olympics on TV. I think it's a reissue of an older kit by someone else - Italeri, maybe - but I don't know that for certain. All I know is that it's hard. The engineering of the chassis and drivetrain is particularly difficult. Who asked for two-piece working universal joints? I certainly didn't, and wouldn't have wanted so many of them if I had asked! It looks okay once it's together, but putting it together takes some doing. The front wheel and tire assemblies are okay, but the duals are tricky; the outer and most visible part of the rims have four gates that are difficult to clean up because of their locations. I like the idea of the black vinyl tires, which seems to argue that painting will be simplified, but there's no way to fit the tires onto the completed rims, so I assembled them entirely and painted them as a unit and will repaint the tires by hand later.

It doesn't help that the styrene in the kit is kind of rubbery and strangely tough. I found it hard to shave cleanly with a knife, yet all too easy to tear. The two-part cab is hard to assemble cleanly and I had to resort to putty and sanding to get rid of the major seam where the roof fits onto the rear wall parts.

But it's coming together. I just came inside from painting, where I sprayed the completed chassis with hardware store flat black paint and the cab and rocket launcher subassemblies with Tamiya RAF green lacquer. Now I just have to finish assembling the sight unit and launcher pivot tube, and paint the tires and cab interior details. Oh, and install the steering wheel, which can't be installed until after the cab and chassis are glued together.

I don't think I'd characterize this kit as a lot of fun to build, but how many Katyusha models do you see?

Academy USAAF Ambulance

Yesterday I finished Academy's 1/72nd scale USAAF ambulance. I'd already built the tow tractor a long time ago to pose with an MPM XF-85 Goblin. I don't have any photographs of it right now. I was going to photograph it today, but I became worn out from chemo and didn't feel like going through that cumbersome ritual. Maybe later.

The Academy kit is quite nice, and Academy's engineering solves a major problem I often have with small-scale trucks: how to deal with the windows. Unlike most small-scale trucks, which either feature no window glass at all, or which force you to install the windows prior to closing up the cab and painting, Academy's engineering allows one to install the windows from the outside, after painting. I quite like that feature - a few dabs of white glue to hold the glass in and I was done. (You may gather from this that I don't often spend a lot of time painting or detailing the interiors of small-scale trucks, and you would be right. Other people may see a painted instrument panel in a 1/72nd scale truck, but I certainly can't, and unlike a lot of modelers I don't derive any particular satisfaction from "knowing detail is there even though I can't see it.")

The decals were a little crispy and didn't react all that well to Micro-Sol, and I had to touch up the red with paint where the decal didn't conform to the rooftop vent and broke. But by and large the decals worked well enough to hold up their end of the kit. It's a nice addition to my collection of soft-skinned vehicles.

Imhotep

Some views of the Moebius Imhotep model I just finished, the first thing I've really finished since the transplant business started. It was fun to build (a mere handful of very large parts) but a lot of work to paint, mainly because of its great size. I used a variety of paints - hardware store metallic gold spray paint, hardware store "almond" spray paint, Krylon dark earth automotive spray paint, various craft paints, Liquitex burnt umber, raw sienna and parchment...

Unfinished Business

Someday I'm going to have to actually finish something. I've always been the kind of modeler who is more likely to start something new than to finish something old, but lately this trait has really gotten out of hand. I build on something for a while, I leave it half-built in the open box, and I move on to something else. I'm not sitting at my workbench, but offhand, I know that in work I have five dinosaurs, two Airfix tank transporters (maybe three, it's hard to tell), two 1/24th scale drag cars, a WC63 truck, a Sukhoi Su-15 Flagon, a Roman trireme, two 54mm figures, a USAAF ambulance, a Moebius Imhotep, a... well, you get the idea.

How does this happen? In the fussy British model magazines I read, people often seem to abandon (or at least shelve) projects because of a lack of reference material or lack of suitable detail parts. The editors often speak of throwing away (or "binning") entire models because of a flaw in one part or another. That's not why I give up on projects. I enjoy making historically accurate models, but if I can't make it accurate, I'll make it inaccurate; it's not that big a deal to me (I'm fond of putting strange fantasy markings on airplanes, such as Belgian cockades on an F-16XL, or marking a natural-metal Mirage F1C for USAF aggressor service).

My problem, really, is that I like building more than I like painting. If you look at my collection of half-built stuff, you'll see that they're almost all stalled at the same basic point - the point at which I have to load up the airbrush. There's nothing wrong with my airbrush (a well-used Testors pre-Aztek Model Master) or compressor, nor is there anything particularly wrong with my technique (though I rarely spray acrylics and prefer Model Master enamels). And I like the actual airbrushing itself. I just don't like getting the thing set up to spray properly, and I don't like all the cleaning up afterwards. Every now and then I get the airbrush set up and paint a whole bunch of things at once, or I figure out a way to fake things with spray cans, but increasingly, stuff just sits in that ready-to-paint limbo.

I'm also a little scared of the airbrush, to be honest. Regular readers of this blog (assuming there are any) will know that I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma and have been going through chemotherapy and bone marrow transplants. To date nobody really knows what causes Hodgkin's. There's a minor statistical link with the Epstein-Barr Virus, but it isn't an especially powerful link and fundamentally nobody knows what causes the cancer. Virus? Toxin? Bad luck?

Whatever, I think about all those years I've been airbrushing using lacquer thinner and I sort of wonder. No matter how good my exhaust hood is (and it isn't bad), I inhale lacquer thinner fumes. No matter how careful I am, I get lacquer thinner on my hands. Sometimes an awful lot of it. Can I say that years of exposure to lacquer thinner caused my cancer? No. But I can't say it didn't either. And now that my cancer appears to be beaten back and in remission, I'm a bit wary of exposing myself to massive doses of lacquer thinner fumes again.

The obvious solution is to stop airbrushing enamels and switch to acrylics. And I probably will, once I get over the shock of the idea. Another obvious solution is to wear a respirator and rubber gloves, and I probably should. But all of this represents even more bother, and makes me even less inclined to airbrush anything.

It's gotten so bad that I brush-painted the last few airplane models I've actually finished, which seems positively Paleolithic.

So that's my problem. I like to build things, but I just don't enjoy airbrushing that much. So the unbuilt stuff piles up, and as soon as something gets to the airbrushing stage, I get something new off the shelf. It's a habit I really have to break before my entire (and huge) collection of models ends up half-built. I vowed not to start anything new until I've at least finished the large and bulky Imhotep model, but my discipline is poor and that Lindberg Snark in my closet is calling to me...

But on the other hand, building models is supposed to be fun, and what's more important, having fun or finishing things? Well, both, I guess.